A First Date

I just came back today from a first date which lasted around four hours. It was with a girl I met online through one of those online dating sites. She's a slightly nerdy girl but still cute at the same time. She's moving back out in 2.5 weeks to finish her undergraduate degree, but I thought it would be a good opportunity to work on my social interaction with women.

I tried to re-read as much of the manhood book as possible (first 80 pages) to make the experience go smoother and so I could create some attraction between us: Apply pain, ignore passive-aggressive comments, cause conversation that shows interest, express interest. However, acting on what I learned without any having the necessary experience was a hard thing to do. I made many mistakes.

When she was late, I addressed it by asking "so... why are you late?" which was my socially incompetent way of causing pain. When she immediately started to worry and turn red I instinctively took it back with a "just kidding". FUCK. Instead I think I should have just stated "I don't like when a girl is late to a first date" and then compliment her on something random if she gave a desired response.

At dinner I made the biggest mistake of the night which was paying for the meal, giving myself the excuse that I'm not socially experienced/manly enough to make her pay for her part. My posture/expression was decent; I looked her in the eye, stood up straight, some hand movement, however I sometimes looked for something to grab onto or looked away during the few pauses in conversation. One thing I've always needed to work on was talking louder but there was never really anytime where she couldn't hear me.

After that we took a walk around talking and ended up drinking a can of alcohol each and snacking in the park with some more conversation. Throughout the date there was very little that she said that warranted the application of pain. At some point I think she tried to express interest by holding up this straw-like snack in the air like she was trying to feed me (it was dark and the distance seemed a little too far) but I fucked up and instinctively just took it from her hand and ate it as if I didn't want her affection. The conversation at the park got better and we got a few laughs. I was a bit perplexed on how to cause dialogue that moved us toward a relationship and express more interest. She briefly mentioned a past crush and ex-boyfriend. I didn't know how to counter such talk or if there should be an application of a manhood101 principle here but it didn't really affect me in terms of expression.

During our date there were moments where I wanted to make a traditional move like a holding of hands, putting my hand over shoulder on the bench, but just couldn't summon the courage. Also all of my suggestions on the date (going to x restaurant/taking a walk/going to the park) were all in question form instead of direct statements...

We said our goodbyes while on a crowded train where she got off first. She said she had a good time, I responded the same way and told her we should meet up again. She expressed interest and asked "you have my cellphone number right?" which I don't know if it was out of nervousness or not. Probably over-thinking that statement. Due to it being on a crowded train I didn't make any final moves like a kiss.

Although I felt we both had a good time, this date was a disaster in terms of exercising my authority and applying the principles. Considering where I was a few years ago where I couldn't even talk to a girl without studdering it was an improvement but I still felt pathetic now looking back on the date. There is just so much I have to work on.

My plan right now is to read the manhood book again and work on all the assignments listed here as well. I'll be calling the girl back for another date and try to improve upon the mistakes I made today.

Introduction to my Social Inability

Instead of creating a blog just for MMA, I decided to change this blog to deal with just improving myself in general. Before falling in love with MMA I had spent a great deal of time working on improving my Japanese (my mother's native tongue) and want to talk about my progress in that section on my life as well. The main inspiration for this change, however, is my lack of a social life. It is a complete wreck and a few months ago I came upon an amazing website that gave me more motivation on changing my social interactions(especially with women) for the better. These past few days I have decided to seriously make a go at this and the website suggested on maintaining a daily journal or blog as an excersize in order for me to express my thoughts in a more clear and concise manner.

I finally made an introductory post on the forums there and I just felt like publishing it here:

Hello everyone. Like a lot of people joining this site, I have problems with my social interaction with women. Not only that, I am just about socially awkward with anyone. I'm not experienced enough to know what the direct causes of my limited social ability are but I can easily relate to many of the problems mentioned on this site.

My parent's never really talked or helped me with social interaction or passed on to me any values I should strive for. I also never really felt comfortable going to them for my problems. My father worked nights so my time spent with him were minimal and the only real qualities my mother tried to impart to me were of chivalry and being mindful of other peoples feelings. With all the feminist media out there as well as going to super liberal schools, this combination may have shaped me into who I am now.

I was very nerdy. I played a lot of video games in junior high along with some other friends, but as we got into high school (a small one) they quickly outgrew that stage while I was pretty much the only one still addicted. While everyone continued to develop their social skills I didn't improve at all and pretty much went home to play on the computer after school. Because of my lack of social skills I acted the role of a mute, trying not to acknowledge anyone I didn't like (the popular kids), preventing any possible growth.

Two years back I tried to outgrow this shell of mine by breaking my addiction to gaming and finding other more socially acceptable things to do. I got into shape at first by running/lifting and now doing a lot of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I starting learning my mother's native language, learned how to dress infinitely better, and shifted more focus in finally finishing my undergraduate degree (I'm 23 now). What I quickly learned, however, is that it wasn't my hobbies that shaped my social ability. I only became slightly better at social interactions since I wasn't glued to my computer screen all day. I was still the same expressionless, dysfunctional individual in the classroom setting. Although I've had girls express their interest to me, my lack of emotion, indecisiveness, and experience in social interaction quickly turned them away.

I came across this website around six months ago and since then it has changed the way I think about women and what it means to be a man. However, in my social interactions it has been hard to apply the principles taught on this site due to the 23 years of accumulated social awkwardness. I never fully committed myself to improving my social interactions and instead tried to hide behind being busy with school and my new hobbies.

What I have learned from my new direction in life is that it takes a lot of hard work and effort to become good at something and there is rarely such a thing called "talent". I never showed any natural gift for math in my childhood but because I studied my ass off I scored a 760 on my math section of the SAT. I was always weak and fragile all my life but because I trained 5+ days a week in BJJ I quickly surpassed many of my teammates.

I want to use that same dedication to improve my social interactions with not only women but anyone I encounter. I feel this site is amazing because you guys focus on the principles, which not only apply for social interaction with women, but social interaction with all beings.