Introduction to my Social Inability

Instead of creating a blog just for MMA, I decided to change this blog to deal with just improving myself in general. Before falling in love with MMA I had spent a great deal of time working on improving my Japanese (my mother's native tongue) and want to talk about my progress in that section on my life as well. The main inspiration for this change, however, is my lack of a social life. It is a complete wreck and a few months ago I came upon an amazing website that gave me more motivation on changing my social interactions(especially with women) for the better. These past few days I have decided to seriously make a go at this and the website suggested on maintaining a daily journal or blog as an excersize in order for me to express my thoughts in a more clear and concise manner.

I finally made an introductory post on the forums there and I just felt like publishing it here:

Hello everyone. Like a lot of people joining this site, I have problems with my social interaction with women. Not only that, I am just about socially awkward with anyone. I'm not experienced enough to know what the direct causes of my limited social ability are but I can easily relate to many of the problems mentioned on this site.

My parent's never really talked or helped me with social interaction or passed on to me any values I should strive for. I also never really felt comfortable going to them for my problems. My father worked nights so my time spent with him were minimal and the only real qualities my mother tried to impart to me were of chivalry and being mindful of other peoples feelings. With all the feminist media out there as well as going to super liberal schools, this combination may have shaped me into who I am now.

I was very nerdy. I played a lot of video games in junior high along with some other friends, but as we got into high school (a small one) they quickly outgrew that stage while I was pretty much the only one still addicted. While everyone continued to develop their social skills I didn't improve at all and pretty much went home to play on the computer after school. Because of my lack of social skills I acted the role of a mute, trying not to acknowledge anyone I didn't like (the popular kids), preventing any possible growth.

Two years back I tried to outgrow this shell of mine by breaking my addiction to gaming and finding other more socially acceptable things to do. I got into shape at first by running/lifting and now doing a lot of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I starting learning my mother's native language, learned how to dress infinitely better, and shifted more focus in finally finishing my undergraduate degree (I'm 23 now). What I quickly learned, however, is that it wasn't my hobbies that shaped my social ability. I only became slightly better at social interactions since I wasn't glued to my computer screen all day. I was still the same expressionless, dysfunctional individual in the classroom setting. Although I've had girls express their interest to me, my lack of emotion, indecisiveness, and experience in social interaction quickly turned them away.

I came across this website around six months ago and since then it has changed the way I think about women and what it means to be a man. However, in my social interactions it has been hard to apply the principles taught on this site due to the 23 years of accumulated social awkwardness. I never fully committed myself to improving my social interactions and instead tried to hide behind being busy with school and my new hobbies.

What I have learned from my new direction in life is that it takes a lot of hard work and effort to become good at something and there is rarely such a thing called "talent". I never showed any natural gift for math in my childhood but because I studied my ass off I scored a 760 on my math section of the SAT. I was always weak and fragile all my life but because I trained 5+ days a week in BJJ I quickly surpassed many of my teammates.

I want to use that same dedication to improve my social interactions with not only women but anyone I encounter. I feel this site is amazing because you guys focus on the principles, which not only apply for social interaction with women, but social interaction with all beings.